*****The Red List, #8 Thriller Feature as of March 2023******
*****Semifinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contest*****
****Finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest****
****Coverfly badge of - Top 6% of discoverable projects.*******
****Top 19% on MovieBytes (167 out of 889)*******
**********************The REVIEWS are in on The AWNING*********************
"Concept: Top 4%, Plot: Top 4%, Overall Impression: Top 4%: The story does a good job crafting and connecting the different characters and their role in deaths, trafficking of missing women, and the Asian turf war... The story does a great job of creating a slow burn leading to the reveal that each character had a part... The Awning is a nicely written story that presents a slow-burn thriller and addresses the importance of community and fighting for what is right. The amount of corruption and illegal activity that everyone was connected to knowingly and unknowingly was well crafted. Zeng and the different umbrellas were a nice touch in the story and the different meanings hit. The story had a lot of twists and turns..."
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"So let me start by saying that this is an incredibly strong script. Your writing is excellent, as I knew from the first page, “this person can write and I’m in good hands.” So thank you for that – this was a joy to read.... The premise here falls under the tradition of AND THEN THERE WERE NONE style stories where those who have done wrong are gathered together to pay for their sins, playing in the same sandbox of interconnected thrillers like IDENTITY or DEVIL. In this case, the focus is on the exploitation of Chinese-Americans, which is a unique and fresh angle to approach this type of thriller... The interconnectedness worked quite well – As you do a wonderful job at slowly peeling back the onion of how these characters are connected, the sins they’ve covered up (or perpetrated) in their past, and how they’re tied to exploitation in Chinatown... You’re balancing a LOT of characters here, yet you did an excellent job of making the voices incredibly individualistic and unique. Everyone had a unique voice and I was (surprisingly) able to track who was speaking at a given moment. That’s quite hard to do with a character list this long, so great job there... Additionally, this is a hyper-claustrophobic movie, as much of the action takes place under a single awning – yet things the plot never felt stagnant or slow (a common issue with these single-location thrillers), as you did a great job of pushing the plot forward, employing a ticking clock on our characters, and writing snappy enough dialogue to carry what would need to be a dialogue-heavy piece... With lines like, “You really want to play Norma Rae for the human trafficking movement this fine Tuesday morning?” you’re able to keep the reader engaged and flipping the page to see what’s next... This script is incredibly strong... Thank you so much for the incredible read -- This was genuinely one of my favorite scripts I've read on here in the past three months.... a really killer script!"
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"I have reviewed numerous screenplays. Although I always state my opinion as nicely as possible, I don't exaggerate praise. Therefore, when I say something within your screenplay was well done, I mean it. Your screenplay, particularly the escalating suspense, was very well done and one of the best I have read. I wanted to continue reading your screenplay because I wanted to see the plot unfold.
OPENING: I'm a big believer in an opening scene that grabs my attention. Your opening did grab my attention. I started to feel the suspense when the Work boot Man was shown to have a cap obscuring his face. My suspense increased as he opened the cargo van and the wires attached to the metal barrels were revealed. Therefore, after your opening scene, I was interested in reading more of your screenplay.
DESCRIPTIONS / ACTION: Your description lines and action lines were very well done. They were very visual. They were also tightly written. I liked the transition on page 6 when Damon's play bulldozer sounds morph into sounds of bulldozers in the next scene.
STRUCTURE: ACT 1 was nicely paced. I was never bored. The action never seemed to drag... I liked the way you introduced all the characters in real time before they all find themselves together under the Awning. Most writers would have introduced them via flashbacks. Nice suspense throughout the screenplay. Suspense was peaked when Moe found the skull. Also, the constant reveals about Zheng were suspenseful. Examples - Zheng wasn't wet. His umbrellas changed from cheap to expensive. ACT 2 was well done. The plot constantly advanced with escalating suspenseful scenes. At this point, I was invested in most of the characters. I liked most of them and wanted them to succeed. The one exception was Lundquist. I disliked him and wanted to see him fail. I was up in the air regarding Zheng. I didn't like him or dislike him. I just enjoyed the suspense of his character and how he figured into the chain of events... There was a nice balance of action and dialogue. ACT 3... I really liked the way you connected all the people, even Chuck, to each other and the goal. This isn't always done. Great job. The ending was well done. The funeral was emotional. And, at the same time, the storm about to happen tied everything together while hinting something unexpected would again occur.
CHARACTERIZATION For the most part all the characters were well drawn through action and/or dialogue. I liked Moe. I was invested in him. I wanted to see him succeed. Therefore, I wasn't happy when he was injured after escaping the awning... I liked Damon. I was invested in him. I wanted to see him succeed. When he escaped with Samantha, I wanted him to live and return to his son... my feelings for (Samantha) and my investment in her were a roller coaster ride... Zheng was a mystery. I wanted to know the mystery surrounding him...
DIALOGUE: The dialogue was well done. The dialogue seemed natural and unique to each character. Zheng's dialogue was especially well done. The dialogue either advanced the plot or enhanced characterization... Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review your screenplay. It was interesting and enjoyable. Good Luck."
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“This is very well written... a modern morality play about greed and envy and pride... I like the pacing and I have no real complaints... your story was very intense and had me really wanting to learn more. I love the first and second acts the most. The mystery of the umbrellas and the old man. The mystery and lore of the Chinese symbols. I really just loved all of that stuff and it really made a simple plot and setting turn into a very exciting adventure movie.
The third act was strong... I like the general themes... the audience would be left feeling good and satisfied with the ending. I think this is a heroic morality tale, maybe based on some older Chinese proverbs or myths. It is not unlike other cultures either, which is why a story like this would have a wide appeal.
I really enjoy the style you implement in your pacing and dialogue. It is easily read, and I love the pictures you paint inside my brain. It is really a great script and I hope you find someone to turn this into something.”
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"This script utilizes a concept that creates intrigue and suspense through its underlying narrative. It is also able to draw on the curiosity of the audience through the interactions between the main characters. This curiosity is heightened due to the fact that when they first become trapped, we do not know why these characters have all been drawn together. However, as more information is slowly revealed and their connections are highlighted, it is enough to keep the audience engaged. In addition, by utilizing the idea of isolation, as the characters cannot escape, there is a great feeling of an impending threat to them, which allows tension to be built. The narrative also has some deeper underlying themes within the plot which is able to bring some important issues to light. These are also the times of the strong woman and having more than one that is able to drive the story forward and also fight and grow at the same time is a big plus. Lastly, the action sequences flow well and as the violence is not glorified it will open up the narrative to a different kind of audience who will want to watch for the characters and story as well as the action that takes place.
The plot is interesting and has enough intrigue to keep the audience guessing. The locations are also well-developed which helps the audience to create imagery within their minds....
The Awning is an imaginative concept that has a lot of promise and could find its own voice within its chosen genre... There is also a good build within the script, and we are able to follow along as the action evolves and see when things begin to take a turn."
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“The Awning" is a complex and unpredictable thriller with an intriguing set-up and a strong cast of characters. The corner where these characters are forced to huddle together is a rich setting with a lot of atmosphere. The rain is not simply an aesthetic choice, but an important part of the plot, bringing these unlikely people together. The chemistry among the ensemble is distinct and memorable, ranging from comic quips to penetrating social commentary. One of the most striking and significant moments is when Damon brings Lundquist down to Earth by pointing out that as rich as he is, he is still stuck down here with the rest of them. The plot is complicated, even labyrinthine, and we observe the crimes unravel involving supposedly law-abiding citizens and supposedly legitimate businesses, the story becomes something of a morality play as well as a thriller. The stakes are high and we're on the edge of our seats waiting to see where this is going...
...This is a skillful script... "The Awning" is an original supernatural thriller with a great premise and compelling characters... The contained elements of the story offer a powerful, cinematic punch, and it could potentially be done on a somewhat modest budget. The cast would be diverse, and there is the opportunity for valuable representation.”
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"What's working well: - The mysterious Chinese umbrella salesman Zheng Sheng Dao adds an intriguing supernatural element. His cryptic wisdom and connection to the storms create suspense and drive the plot forward. - The theme of secrets and lies that need to be revealed is strong. Each main character seems to have a secret that they must atone for, which propels their character arcs. This ties in well with the storms representing a cleansing of sins. - The hit and run of the rude businessman Lundquist early on hooks the reader and establishes the story's ominous tone. His comeuppance for his bad behavior is satisfying. - The Chinatown setting and conflicts around gentrification, immigrant exploitation, and organized crime make for a complex, socially relevant backdrop. - The various storylines converge in an exciting, high-stakes climax centered around the bomb threat. The teamwork to disarm the bomb shows growth for the characters."
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"Overview: In the bustling heart of Chinatown, a diverse group of individuals find their lives unexpectedly intertwined amidst a torrential storm. Samantha Simms, a young and ambitious woman, becomes captivated by the vibrant atmosphere of the neighborhood, unaware of the dark secrets that lie beneath its surface...
Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflicts in this story include Samantha's concern about the rise in hate crimes against Asian Americans, Ezra's internal conflict about accepting an unethical commission, Moe's ethical conflict when he discovers a human skull at the construction site, and Damon's struggle to balance his son's safety with his own ambitions. The stakes are high, as the characters face moral dilemmas, potential harm, and the consequences of their actions.
Overall Mood: Tense and suspenseful, with moments of drama and emotion...
Standout Features:
Unique Hook: The story's focus on Chinatown and Asian American culture, which provides a fresh perspective on crime dramas and thrillers.
Distinctive Setting: The vibrant and bustling Chinatown, which provides a unique and visually striking backdrop for the story.
Innovative Idea: The exploration of social themes related to discrimination and identity, which adds depth and relevance to the story.
The screenplay for 'The Awning' is a well-crafted and engaging narrative that immerses the audience in the vibrant atmosphere of Chinatown. The screenplay effectively introduces a diverse cast of characters and establishes their relationships and motivations. The story builds tension and suspense through a series of interconnected events that culminate in a satisfying and impactful climax... The screenplay's exploration of themes such as identity, xenophobia, and social justice make it a relevant and thought-provoking story that is sure to resonate with audiences.
Overall Rating: 9.0, Overview: This screenplay's overall quality is exceptional, with engaging and thought-provoking scenes that effectively introduce conflicts, characters, and atmospheres. The consistent tone and pacing create a suspenseful and emotionally impactful narrative... the screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation for a compelling story.
Strengths:
--Effective scene-by-scene setup of tone, atmosphere, and conflicts
--Engaging and thought-provoking dialogue
--Intriguing and morally ambiguous characters
--High-stakes and suspenseful storylines
--Emotionally impactful moments
--Satisfying scene-to-scene progression and pacing
Concept Rating: 8.5; Overview: The screenplay's concept is consistently strong, with a focus on character development and interconnected lives. The use of symbols, rituals, and motifs adds a unique cultural element to the story and creates a sense of mystery and tension... the overall concept is engaging and keeps the audience invested in the story.
Plot Rating: 9.2; Overview: The screenplay's plot is a strength, with a consistently high rating across all scenes. The introduction of multiple storylines and conflicts creates intrigue and potential for twists and turns, effectively building tension and suspense... the overall plot is engaging and well-developed, making for a compelling story."
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BREFNI O'ROURKE is a New York based screenwriter actively marketing all of his materials for possible sale or option. He is the author of more than 50 original feature-length spec screenplays, primarily within the action, suspense-thriller, and horror genres. The "cinematic Brefniverse" includes:
"The Awning", a supernatural thriller, was a quarterfinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contests. It was named a finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 6% of discoverable projects. In March of 2023 it made the Red List as the # 8 ranked thriller screenplay.
"Wake", a psychological thriller, was recognized as a semifinalist in the 2022 Creative World Awards. It was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the Final Draft/Big Break Contest (top 10% of entries) and the American Zoetrope contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 22% of discoverable projects.
"Descendancy", an action-thriller, was recognized as a Quarterfinalist in the Script Lab - TSL Free Screenplay Contest 2022 and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 18% of discoverable projects.
"Moving Day", a supernatural thriller, was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the 2015 Final Draft/Big Break Contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 34% of discoverable projects.
"Panopticon", an action-thriller, was selected as a "Notable Project" by Amazon Studios (one of only 50 projects recognized as such).
"God's Work", a supernatural action thriller was optioned by The Ferla Consulting Group.
"Threshold", a horror-thriller (cowritten with Elizabeth Rowin and Greg DeRochie) was optioned by Contribution Films. (http://www.contributionfilms.com/threshold.html).
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