MASSAGE PARLOR

“Overall: 4.5 out of 5; Overall this is a great script and a highly enjoyable read. The concept is great, and the story is deep enough to keep traction until the end... the setup and payoff of other subplots such as Tatsu’s connection with McCabe from the opening scene was brilliantly executed.

The script has great visuals throughout, and the dialogue reads and flows naturally.

Show More

“Overall: 4.5 out of 5; Overall this is a great script and a highly enjoyable read. The concept is great, and the story is deep enough to keep traction until the end... the setup and payoff of other subplots such as Tatsu’s connection with McCabe from the opening scene was brilliantly executed.

The script has great visuals throughout, and the dialogue reads and flows naturally. Tone and themes are embedded into the story early... It does not feel that the script needs significant improvement and is in great shape already... It is clear that the storyline has been carefully considered, and you have carefully crafted the storyline around the dark sides of slavery/human trafficking alongside the scary modern hacking and cybercrime aspects... which keeps the script modern and relevant to the audience.

Congratulations on getting the script to where it is now... Personally, I don’t feel a lot needs to be done with the story itself, as it is great where it currently stands.”

****

"The crazy thing about this script is that I can really see this as a movie as I am reading it. There are some pretty tense parts as we go back and forth between the massage parlor and the nail salon and then Braden in the air vents - great stuff! I think that this film has a lot of things going for it. The characters, though most are unlikeable, especially Luke, are relatable. We all seem to know some dudes like these dudes. The setting is pretty relatable as far as being a big city and the "seedy" parts of towns, so that would make it easier to find a location to shoot this film. Also, the locations are few in number. We don't really have to travel much in this script for our characters to find themselves in hot water. The pacing with this script is also well done. We really don't overstay our welcome in the characters' home world or real-life situations before the shit hits the fan. The set-up works, I think. Braden is also a good character to bring us along through the story. He works as a sort of point for the audience that allows us to sort of discover with Braden what all this crazy "lusty" stuff is all about. We get to see Braden sort of try and become "one of the guys."

I also really got this sort of fish out of water feeling with Braden that is similar to how McClain feels in Die Hard. Maybe it's the scenes where Braden is crawling through the vents that does the McClain thing for me, but whatever it is, I think Braden gets to sort of see behind the scenes a bit of what is going on with the Russian dudes much like McClain got to see behind the scenes in Die Hard.

I like that we have these big players getting their just desserts too... it is also fun to see what they have ultimately done to themselves... It's really hard for me to say that this film had weaknesses per se.”

*************

"Experience a thrilling journey of suspense, intrigue, and danger in this innovative script that masterfully combines the worlds of corporate espionage and illicit massage parlors. Follow Braden, a loyal and devoted husband, as he navigates the temptations and moral dilemmas of the city while trying to protect his family. Along the way, he encounters a cast of complex characters, including the enigmatic Tatsu and the grizzled detective McCabe. As Braden delves deeper into the dark underbelly of the massage parlor industry, he uncovers a web of sexual exploitation, human trafficking, and corruption. With unexpected twists and turns, this script will keep you on the edge of your seat until the thrilling climax.

Standout Features:

--Unique Hook: A young man's journey into a dangerous criminal underworld to save himself and his family. --Plot Twist : The discovery of a human trafficking operation at a massage parlor. --Distinctive Setting : New York City and its criminal underworld. --Innovative Ideas : Exploring the issue of human trafficking in a suspenseful and action-packed context.

This screenplay demonstrates a strong ability to build tension and suspense, with compelling characters and relationships driving the narrative. The engaging dialogue and well-executed action sequences contribute to the overall strength of the screenplay....

Strengths: --Effective creation of suspenseful atmosphere and tension throughout the screenplay --Compelling characters and relationships established --Witty and engaging dialogue --High stakes and emotional impact --Well-executed action sequences

The plot of the screenplay is well-structured and engaging, with a strong central conflict and consistent progression throughout the story. The characters are well-developed, and their relationships contribute to the plot. The use of tension, conflict, and suspense effectively drives the story forward... Overall, the screenplay's plot is captivating and well-paced, making it an engaging experience for the audience.

Strengths: --Consistent plot progression throughout the screenplay --High ratings for the majority of scenes indicating strong plot development --Effective use of tension, conflict, and suspense to drive the story forward --Well-developed characters and relationships that contribute to the plot

The characters in the screenplay are well-developed and have clear motivations and conflicts. The dynamics between the characters are engaging, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience... The screenplay demonstrates a strong level of conflict, with tension and suspense created by a variety of conflicts. The overall conflict rating is 8.7, indicating a high level of conflict throughout the screenplay."

*****

BREFNI O'ROURKE is a New York based screenwriter and novelist. A former stand up comedian, he is the author of more than 50 original feature-length spec screenplays, primarily within the action, suspense-thriller, and horror genres. The "cinematic Brefniverse" includes:  

"The Awning", a supernatural thriller, has been named a quarterfinalist in the 2023 WeScreenplay Feature contests.  It was named a finalist in the 2022 Story Pros International Screenplay Contest and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 6% of discoverable projects. In March of 2023 it made the Red List as the # 8 ranked thriller screenplay.  (The novel is now available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CD4ZKQDZ )

"Wake", a psychological thriller, was recognized as a semifinalist in the 2022 Creative World Awards. It was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the Final Draft/Big Break Contest (top 10% of entries) and the American Zoetrope contest. It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 23% of discoverable projects.    

"Descendancy" was recognized as a Quarterfinalist in The Script Lab - Free Screenplay Contest 2022 and has been awarded a Coverfly badge of - Top 20% of discoverable projects.      

"Moving Day", a supernatural thriller, was recognized as a quarterfinalist in the 2015 Final Draft/Big Break Contest.  It has been awarded a Coverfly badge of being among the top 34% of discoverable projects.  

"Panopticon", an action-thriller, was selected as a "Notable Project" by Amazon Studios (one of only 50 projects recognized as such).   

"God's Work", a supernatural action thriller was optioned by The Ferla Consulting Group.    

"Threshold", a horror-thriller (Cowritten with Elizabeth Rowin and Greg DeRochie) was optioned by Contribution Films. (http://www.contributionfilms.com/threshold.html).   

Read his novels on Amazon Kindle! https://www.amazon.com/author/brefniorourke

Show Less